TODAY IN CLASS THIS CHICK WAS PASSING OUT A PACKET AND SHE JUST THREW MINE AT ME AND I SAID “Yo don’t fuckin throw that shit at me like I’m a stripper.” AND EVERYONE AROUND ME JUST STARED AT ME AND I REALIZED THAT ITS BC THATS THE FIRST THING IVE SAID IN CLASS SINCE I CAME TO THIS SCHOOL AND JFC
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One time during my freshmen year of college I forgot to do a history paper that was worth 20% of my grade and the teacher didn’t accept late work, so I waited until the professor handed back the papers and angrily asked where mine was. The teacher felt so bad for losing it he let me re-do the entire paper and gave me an A-
You fucking champ
in fifth grade we had a project where we had to design our own utopia and mine was in the future where everyone lived in the clouds and i guess men had gone extinct so everyone was a girl and they reproduced with genetic cloning?? and everyone had cool hair and bright colored dresses but let me just repeat 10 year old me’s idea of an utopia was lesbian cloud heaven, i was so gay wtf
Golden
a friend of mine told me about her friend i think from high school who was gay but not out, and he pretended for a while to have a girlfriend named Amanda who he would go see a lot, and they’d be all, come hang out with us and he’d be like sorry I’ve got a date with Amanda, and they were like when are we gonna meet this Amanda??? anyway he kept this up for like a year until he finally came out; and when his friends were like, “wait, what about Amanda?” he said, “IT’S A MAN, DUH.”
i have literally never admired anyone’s commitment to a joke more
I may have just died of laughing too much
this is literally how I sing Disney songs sometimes hahaha
…how do you watch a Disney movie without doing this?
THIS GUY. MY FAVORITE.
emphasis mine, because seriously, how?
perfect facial expressions
that’s me too dude
ITS BACK
He looks like me.
IT’S FUCKING BACK
I have this problem where ‘the other day’ for me ranges from yesterday to around 5 years ago
and ‘a friend of mine’ is literally anybody i’ve ever heard of who’s opinion i like
i hate it when people shit on others’ excitement. like “hey! i got a new computer!” “that’s nice, but mine’s better” or “hey! i finally killed that guy that’s been bugging me for weeks!” “what the fuck i’m calling the police” unbelievable.
do you know why potato is blushing
because it saw the salad dressing
my mum read this outside a mall and asked me to put it up on “that blue blog site” of mine
I TOLD HER THAT IT GOT SOME 280 NOTES AND SHE SAID SHE’LL STOP THE CAR BY THE MALL TOMORROW AND MEMORISE MORE OF THEM
i want kids but i dont wanna be pregnant or give birth but i dont wanna adopt either because i want them to be mine do you see my problem
basically you want to be a father
this is the most accurate thing i ever read
